On my now all but abandoned Patreon, my first members only post was a look at the magic of music, specifically related to the song “What A Good Boy” by BNL. I also teased in that post that I would cover another song in a similar style “soon”.
But then things changed… Patreon got paused, I eventually pivoted to memberships on Ko-Fi and everything I’d prepped and written for Patreon was totally forgotten.
Until today when a really random chain of events, that of course involved my favorite deck of cards, led me back to my Patreon graveyard.
This is a resurrected/reworked post from that mini-adventure and possibly the first of a new series “Musical Magic” (Cause I ❤ music and alliteration) where I explore a personal and/or magical connection with song(s) that resonate with me.
Some time ago, on a sacred mesa where the air is thin, I was sitting with strange faces and cloudy emotions. I had escaped to this retreat seeking peace and hoped this first gathering might be the start of some. However, peace seemed far away when the word prayer was spoken near the beginning of our gathering.
It invoked so many negative memories, resentful feelings and bad emotions I felt the pull to run, but I quickly reminded myself why I had come here, and listened to the words beyond “prayer”.
What was said was we were going to listen to a song “Plowshare Prayer” by Spencer LaJoye a queer songwriter I’d never heard of before. When the leader of our group turned to another member familiar with the work and asked them to comment they simply said that it should be played without comment, because what could you possibly say.
I will share my thoughts below, but I invite you to take a few minutes to listen first if you have not heard it before or in some time.
The first time I heard this song, things were not great in my world. Things were okay, and certainly better than they had been, as I was finding my authentic self, however I was uncovering and encountering so much darkness, so much pain, both new and old in that process that I was wearing down.
I was sad, confused, stuck, abused, feeling at the end of my rope, worn out, broke, alone, forsaken, jaded, quiet yet defiant; it’s unsurprising the first verse caused my tears to start and stop a number of times. The rest of the song succeeded in breaking my guard and I am so grateful to have been where I was for a number of reasons.
First, the air of this sacred ground was thin, and the spirits around certainly enhanced the magic of the song to accelerate my awakening. Second, there could not have been better company in this group of strangers, though there was not someone exactly “like me” present, I sensed the bond we all shared and I found strength in both that connection and our differences. Third, it was played within hours of my arrival at this retreat, I still had a few days to walk this magical land and reflect. Fourth, this magical land was not on the other side of the world, and while it was not open to the public, it was a place I knew I could return to season after season with the proper planning.
The last one I am possibly most grateful for, as I hope to repay my debt of gratitude to the land and its caretakers in all my future visits.
Back to the song, the line that really broke me open was in the second verse:
“I pray that if you go all day being brave
That you can go home, go to bed
Feeling safe”
These lines managed to surmise the experience of my past few years in a way I never could, why when I got home I just wanted to be in bed cuddling a cat or on the couch cuddling a dog: safe. The brave face I projected for the entirety of my adult life and much of my childhood became so much harder to hold when I started to resist the mold and the safety I once felt was slipping away.
These lines made me feel seen in a way I never could have envisioned; allowed me to feel heard despite having fell mute.
Which is how it broke my guard wide open, it’s how I was able to finally grow.
Any person who was missed in the call of the first verse or prayers of the second verse, were absolutely seen in the resolution of the third. I really can’t describe this whole song as anything other than the most inclusive, wholesome and musical prayer that could ever be offered.
As our group shared our thoughts after the song had finished, I attempted to stealthily wipe the tears from my eyes. It was dark, so I can’t be sure, but it did not seem like anyone else had been QUITE as moved as I. Eventually once my emotions calmed enough I offered a simple reaction “Wow. That was just, beautifully inclusive.”
It was a song about faith, there’s no denying that, and I hope LaJoye will forgive my own interpretation, it was a song about faith in people, faith in self, faith that recovery, healing, peace could all be possible if we were allowed to simply stop living in fear of the sword, shed our shields and dance collectively in our newfound freedom.
So if you’ve seen me on socials, I’ve been struggling with writers block specifically with finishing tales.
I’ve got a dozen+ in process posts, from Witchy 101 updates to fantasy/fiction tales and some are 95% done, I’m just really struggling to finalize and tie them together in a way that resonates and matters to me.
So I guess, all that to say, I’m sorry things slowed down recently (Cause I legit WANT to be sharing these tales, not because I feel obligated), expect a flood of content “eventually” just gotta get the heart, head and hands all working together again.
Expect full moon updates and weekly blessings in the meantime, and maybe some more mini musical magical moments like this!
Z's Grimoire 
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